Your Healing Is Not Selfish: Why Taking Care of You Helps Everyone

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If you’ve ever felt guilty for putting yourself first, for resting, for saying no, or for prioritising your healing, please know this:

Your healing is not selfish. It’s necessary.
And more than that, your healing is a gift to the world.

 

The Silent Weight of Guilt

Many of us, especially adoptees and foster care survivors, have grown up with silent, invisible expectations.

We’re often told, directly or indirectly, to:

  • Be grateful for being adopted.

  • Keep the peace in the family.

  • Not rock the boat.

  • Suppress our sadness or anger.

  • Be the “good one” who doesn’t complain.

So when we reach a point in our lives where we begin to ask:
“What about me? What about my pain? What do I need to feel whole again?”
We can feel overwhelmed with guilt.

We’ve internalised the belief that tending to ourselves means neglecting others. That taking time to heal is indulgent. That saying “no” is selfish. That having needs makes us a burden.

But here’s the truth: healing yourself is the opposite of selfish. It’s one of the most powerful, generous, and loving things you can do, not just for yourself, but for every single person your life touches.

Why Your Healing Helps Everyone

When you begin to heal, you don’t just transform your inner world, you transform everything around you.

1. You Break Generational Cycles

Many of us carry emotional patterns passed down through generations, abandonment, silence, self-sacrifice, shame. When you choose to heal, you become the first in your line to say, “This ends with me.”

You stop the cycle from being passed to your children, your relationships, your future. You choose conscious love over unconscious pain.

2. You Lead by Example

When you give yourself permission to rest, feel, cry, or set boundaries, you give others permission to do the same. You become a mirror, reflecting what’s possible.

Your courage to feel creates safety for others to feel.
Your softness gives others permission to soften.
Your wholeness gives others permission to seek their own.

3. You Show Up With More Love

You cannot pour from an empty cup. When your nervous system is regulated, when your heart is lighter, when your body feels safe, you show up differently. You can love more deeply. You can speak more kindly. You can give without resentment.

Healing makes your presence more nourishing, your energy more peaceful, and your relationships more meaningful.

4. You Raise the Collective Energy

Healing isn’t just personal, it’s energetic.
Every time you choose to breathe deeply instead of react…
Every time you tap through your pain…
Every time you forgive yourself instead of judging yourself…
You send ripples of peace into the world.

You contribute to the healing of your family, your community, and the collective.

My Journey Through Guilt

In my own healing journey, guilt showed up often.

I felt guilty for needing time to rest. Guilty for not calling my adoptive/biological parents often enough. Guilty for needing therapy. Guilty for not being the version of me others expected.

As an adoptee, I felt like I had to be “grateful” all the time, even though I was silently grieving the loss of my birth family, in some ways, my culture, my roots.

And when I finally started putting myself first, when I began therapy, learned EFT Tapping, trained in Reiki, and started saying no, I heard a voice inside me whisper: “Who do you think you are?”

But here’s who I am:

Someone who was tired of surviving.

Someone who didn’t just want to live but thrive.

Someone who wanted to feel free.

Someone who knew there was more to life than pretending everything was fine.

And when I started healing, something beautiful happened.
My relationships got deeper.
My energy softened.
I showed up as a better mum, wife, friend, and guide.

That’s when I knew: my healing wasn’t selfish, it was sacred.
AND YOURS IS TOO.

Let Go of the Guilt

If you’re feeling that tug of guilt right now, here’s what I want you to know:

🌿 You are not abandoning anyone by choosing yourself.
🌿 You are not a burden for having emotions and needs.
🌿 You are not broken for feeling lost.
🌿 You are allowed to take up space in your own life.
🌿 You are allowed to heal, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

In fact, healing yourself is the most generous thing you can do for others, because it means they get the real you. The whole you. The healed you.

Try This EFT Tapping Prompt for Guilt

You can use this simple EFT sequence when you feel guilty for focusing on yourself:

Even though I feel guilty for prioritising my healing,
I know my pain matters.
I choose to release the guilt now.
My healing helps me, and everyone I love.
I am allowed to rest, feel, and grow.
My healing is not selfish.
My healing is powerful.

Tap through the points slowly while repeating these words, and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. Your body is safe to let go.

You Deserve to Heal

Your healing isn’t selfish.
Your healing isn’t indulgent.
Your healing isn’t a luxury.

Your healing is your birthright.

When you heal, you come home to yourself.
And from that place, everything begins to change.

So take that rest. Say no when you need to. Tap. Meditate. Cry. Breathe. Invest in your growth. Follow what soothes your soul.

You don’t owe anyone your suffering.

You owe yourself your healing.

 

Thank you so much for reading.

A few links:

 

  • Feeling ready to break free from anxiety, stress, and burnout? Download my FREE eBook and explore gentle yet powerful EFT Tapping techniques, uplifting affirmations, calming breathwork, and more: https://mahesharice.com/free-guide/ It’s my gift to support your healing journey
  • If my content supports your healing journey and you’d like to give back… You can make a heartfelt donation via PayPal to help me continue creating free healing tools for adoptees, trauma survivors, and anyone on the path to self-love. 🦚 Donate here: ⁠⁠https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/mahesharice⁠⁠. Your support means the world to me, thank you for helping me share more light with the world. 💫

 

With so much love, always,

Mahesha Rice Blog

 

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