The Multiple Traumas in Adoption: Understanding the Deep Wounds and How to Heal

Leave a Comment / About Me, Adoption, Anxiety, Depression, EFT Tapping, Healing, Reiki, Self-Development, Self-Help / By

Adoption is often seen as a beautiful, life-changing experience. And while it can bring love, opportunity, and stability, it also comes with deep, lasting trauma—trauma that many adoptees struggle to put into words.

I know this because I’ve lived it.

From the moment I was separated from my biological family, my life changed forever. I didn’t understand it at the time, but adoption created wounds that would take years to recognise and even longer to heal. If you’re an adoptee struggling with emotions you can’t fully explain, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. The trauma of adoption is real.

Let’s explore the different layers of trauma adoptees often experience, how they shape our identity, and how we can begin the healing process.

1. The Trauma of Separation from Birth Family

The first and deepest trauma in adoption happens before we even understand what’s going on—being separated from our biological family.

Even as infants, we feel that loss. The bond with our birth mother is the first connection we ever have, and when it’s broken, it leaves an imprint. This is often referred to as primal wound trauma—the deep, subconscious feeling that something is missing, even if we can’t remember what.

For me, this trauma showed up in the form of a deep longing, a feeling of missing something that I couldn’t name. I carried it with me, always searching for a sense of home, for a place where I truly belonged.

How to Heal:

  • Recognise that your grief is valid, even if you were adopted as a baby.
  • Connect with your emotions through journaling or therapy.
  • Practice EFT Tapping to release feelings of abandonment.

2. The Trauma of Identity Loss

Adoptees often struggle with identity. When we are taken from our birth family, we lose not only people but also our cultural roots, language, and history. This can leave us feeling disconnected from both our past and our present.

For me, being adopted into a different culture created a constant feeling of being out of place. I wasn’t fully connected to my birth country, but I also didn’t feel like I truly fit into my adoptive family’s world. It left me questioning, Who am I? Where do I belong?

How to Heal:

  • Explore your roots if possible—learn about your birth culture and family history.
  • Find ways to connect with your identity on your own terms.
  • Use affirmations like: I am whole. I belong to myself.

(You can read my blog post on affirmations for healing for more guidance.)

3. The Trauma of Feeling Different

Many adoptees grow up feeling different from the people around them. Sometimes, we look different from our adoptive family, have different interests, or struggle with emotions they don’t fully understand. This can create feelings of isolation and loneliness.

As a child, I often felt like I was on the outside looking in. My adoptive family never truly felt like “home.” I longed for the closeness I had with my birth family, even though I was so young when I was taken from them.

How to Heal:

  • Surround yourself with people who see and accept the real you.
  • Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel different—you don’t need to fit into a mold.
  • Find community—other adoptees who understand your experience.

4. The Trauma of Emotional Suppression

Many adoptees are expected to be grateful for their adoption. Society tells us that we were “saved” or “given a better life.” But that doesn’t erase the pain. It only makes it harder to express.

When I was younger, I often felt like I wasn’t allowed to be sad about my past. If I spoke about my feelings, I was met with responses like, But your adoptive parents love you! or You should be grateful! This made me feel guilty for feeling anything other than happiness. So, I buried my emotions.

How to Heal:

  • Give yourself permission to feel all your emotions.
  • Use EFT Tapping to release guilt and grief.
  • Work with a therapist or healer who understands adoption trauma.

5. The Trauma of Abandonment and Fear of Rejection

One of the most common wounds adoptees carry is abandonment trauma. When the first people who were supposed to love and protect us were no longer there, a deep fear of rejection took root.

For years, I carried this fear into relationships. I worried that if I got too close to someone, they would leave. I struggled to trust fully. It wasn’t until I started doing deep healing work that I realised—this wasn’t just fear, it was trauma.

How to Heal:

  • Recognise where abandonment fears show up in your life.
  • Practice self-soothing techniques like grounding and meditation.
  • Build trust in yourself first—learn to be there for you.

For grounding techniques, read my post on understanding grounding and why it’s important.

Healing Is Possible

Adoption trauma is complex. It doesn’t just affect us in one way—it shows up in different layers throughout our lives. But healing is possible. I know this because I’ve lived it.

I’ve felt the pain of abandonment, the confusion of identity loss, and the isolation of feeling different. But I’ve also done the work to heal. Through EFT Tapping, Reiki, meditation, and self-reflection, I’ve been able to release the weight of these wounds and find peace.

That’s why I created my YouTube channel, Healing After Adoption—to share the tools that helped me heal so that you can heal too.

On my channel, you’ll find:

  • EFT Tapping videos to release emotional pain, trauma, and feelings of unworthiness.
  • Guided meditations to help you feel grounded and safe in your body.
  • Reiki practices to support emotional healing and balance.
  • Affirmations to rewire your subconscious mind.

These practices changed my life, and I know they can change yours too.

Subscribe here and start taking steps toward healing today.

You deserve peace. You deserve love. You deserve to heal.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re struggling with adoption trauma, know this: you are not broken. You are not unworthy. You are not alone.

The pain you carry is real, but it does not define you. The feelings of loss, confusion, and not belonging can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face them by yourself. There is a path forward, one that leads to healing, self-acceptance, and inner peace.

Healing is not about erasing the past. It’s about learning to live with it in a way that no longer controls you. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel, process, and release the emotions that have been stored inside you for so long.

You are allowed to grieve what you’ve lost. You are allowed to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness. But you are also allowed to heal. You are allowed to create a life where you feel whole, where you define who you are—not by what you’ve been through, but by the strength you’ve found within.

Take your time. Be patient with yourself. Healing is not a straight road, and there will be days that feel harder than others. But every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards reclaiming your power and finding the peace you deserve.

You are worthy of love. You are worthy of healing. You are enough.

Thank you so much for reading.

A few links:

  • Feeling ready to break free from anxiety, stress, and burnout? Download my FREE eBook and explore gentle yet powerful EFT Tapping techniques, uplifting affirmations, calming breathwork, and more: https://mahesharice.com/free-guide/ It’s my gift to support your healing journey
  • If you feel called to support my journey as a writer, you can now do so by buying me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/mahesharice. Your kindness means more than words can express, and I’m deeply grateful for every bit of love and encouragement.

With Love & Light,

Mahesha Rice Blog

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